Consent vs Abuse

 

We seem more disturbed by consent than by abuse.
When two adults choose each other through trust and clarity the society begins to doubt them. But when someone is harmed without consent, the same people look away. The judgment is harsher for what is chosen than for what is forced. A couple booking a room draws more attention than a victim seeking justice. And somehow society turns away from what truly needs to be confronted.

This contrast is not accidental. What is visible draws outrage while what truly hurts is left unnoticed. Consensual sex between adults is treated as immoral while abuse, harassment and coercion are either denied or ignored. The victim is expected to remain quiet and move on, as though speaking about the violence brings more shame than the act itself. Meanwhile those who simply shared trust and affection face judgement from people who have no right to interfere.

The problem starts early. Most children are denied proper sex education. They are not taught about emotional safety, healthy communication or consent. Instead they are told to avoid the topic completely. This silence does not remove curiosity. It only pushes them to search elsewhere and often in places that misinform or mislead. As they grow up many fail to understand the difference between mutual desire and pressure. They grow up without knowing how to express boundaries or respect them.

In relationships this lack of understanding creates confusion and damage. People do not know how to say what they feel or ask what the other person wants. When something so central to human connection like sex is left unexplained, mistakes become common and harder to repair. We end up with a culture where speaking of intimacy feels shameful but speaking of violence feels unnecessary.

There is nothing shameful about two adults choosing each other. There is nothing brave about looking away from abuse. Sex, when shared with mutual trust and understanding does not need society’s permission. What does need attention is the silence around abuse, the hesitation to listen to victims and the failure to draw a clear line between consent and control.

Maybe the issue is not the act itself but the idea that people made a choice without waiting for approval. And maybe that discomfort is what we truly need to address.