The Blog That Writes Me

When I began writing I thought of blogs as pages filled with my thoughts. I believed I was the one in control by deciding what to say and how to say it. Yet as I look back at the long trail of blogs, I begin to wonder if it was never just me shaping them. Perhaps the blogs have been shaping me all along.

Each time I wrote I put a part of myself on paper and each time I finished a part of it remained within me. Some blogs made me face truths I had avoided, while others forced me to question what I thought I already knew. Slowly without realizing I began to live with those questions even outside the page.

There were days when I struggled to find a topic, but the act of searching itself opened doors I would not have noticed. A casual observation became a thought then the thought became a paragraph and the paragraphs turned into a blog. By the end of writing I would find myself not the same as when I started. 

And after two hundred blogs, I realize that these are not just records of what I thought at a certain time. They are teachers. They have taught me patience when I struggled to finish, honesty when I was tempted to soften the truth and courage when I feared how my words might be taken. 

If I had not written I would have been someone else. Writing has not simply been a habit. It has shaped my identity, as much as my choices and my journeys do. I thought I was writing to preserve my voice but in truth, the voice I have today was carved by the very act of writing.

So the question is no longer about what I have written. The real question is what writing has written into me.