A college represented a beacon of hope, especially after an unfulfilling Undergraduate experience. With the decision to pursue a post-graduate degree in English Literature, This college was chosen with the expectation that it would offer the intellectual and emotional fulfillment that had been missed earlier. The choice to avoid staying in the hostel, was made with the wisdom gained from past experiences.
The initial days at the campus were marked by a sense of optimism. Everyone seemed to be in harmony, with very little to complain about. The atmosphere was one of camaraderie, with students united in their purpose. This collective spirit brought with it a sense of belonging and excitement, suggesting that this chapter of life would be different, better than the one that came before. There was an eagerness to attend classes, to engage in discussions about literature, and to experience the college life often depicted in movies(where friendships are easy, learning is joyful, and every moment feels meaningful).
Even for a realist, the environment at college allowed room for a fantasy to take root. Not just Students even Professors inspired with their knowledge, staff members showed kindness, and even the campus shopkeepers contributed to a warm and welcoming atmosphere. The janitors, gatekeepers, and the staff at the infirmary played their part too, each adding a touch of humanity to daily life on campus. These early days were filled with promise, as if the college experience would finally live up to expectations.
However, as time passed, the initial harmony began to erode. The relationships that once seemed so promising started to reveal their flaws. The Friendship that defined the early days gradually gave way to colder, more distant interactions. Conversations that had been filled with enthusiasm and intellectual curiosity turned into strained, awkward exchanges. The joy of engaging with peers and the excitement of daily college life began to fade. The campus, once a place of happiness and belonging, started to feel confining and unwelcoming.
The excitement that once accompanied the thought of attending classes or spending time on campus was replaced by a sense of dread. This experience altered character profoundly. A Little boy who once arrived with hopes of believing in goodness, kindness, and selflessness transformed into someone more guarded and introspective. An extrovert became an introvert, as trust and optimism gave way to skepticism and isolation. The college journey, which began with such promise, ended up reshaping fundamental aspects of personality and outlook.
Despite these challenges, leaving was never an option. The weight of familial expectations and the desire to succeed kept the course steady. The belief that something meaningful could still come out of this experience persisted, even as the daily reality became increasingly a burden. The pressure to fulfill academic obligations, coupled with the disillusionment with the social environment, made the experience difficult to endure.
Looking back on the time at college, it is not the positive memories that come to the forefront, despite their existence. Instead, it is the negative experiences that linger, the actions of a few that left a lasting impact. While some might suggest focusing on the positives, it is hard to do so when those who once seemed positive were the source of so much pain. The difficulty of forgetting such experiences lies in the depth of the hurt they caused.
Reliving the time at college proves difficult, as the shadows of negative experiences overshadow the positives. What began with promise now feels like a haunting dream, unworthy of revisiting, even through old photographs. Hopes and excitement have faded into regret, transforming what should have been a period of growth into a chapter marked by failed expectations. Yet another college life lost, leaving behind only the scars of dreams unfulfilled.
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