Someone raises a valid point. It could be during a debate, an argument, a social issue or just an expression. They speak about Something they have experienced or something they want to be seen. But almost immediately, the point shifts. The other side does not respond to the point. Instead they defend. They say the issue exists everywhere. They say others also go through the same. And just like that, the original problem is no longer the centre.
Take the example of a woman who talks about how patriarchy has affected her life. The moment she finishes, someone interrupts saying that men also suffer. That men too face restrictions. The focus quickly moves from what she said to how someone else feels about it. The issue she brought up is not addressed. Her pain is not questioned, but it is silently dismissed.
This need to defend is not about truth. It is about discomfort. The moment a person feels that their side might be seen as flawed, they rush to speak. But in doing so they fail to listen. The response may not be hostile but it is more than enough to bury the point. What began as an attempt to highlight a specific problem is now lost in a generalised mess. The one who raised the issue is now left unheard, misunderstood, and possibly blamed for even trying.
Over time people stop raising issues altogether. They know what will follow. The comparisons. The reverse examples. The pressure to prove that their pain is different enough, unique enough or urgent enough. This culture of defensiveness forces silence. Real problems remain under the surface.
Not every issue raised is an attack. Not every truth needs to be balanced by another. Sometimes a problem just needs space. A little time to breathe. If the first reaction is always defence, then nothing ever really moves forward. The problem stays. The people stay unheard. And all we are left with is a discussion that looks complete, but never once touches what truly mattered.
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