The Habit of Comparing Pain

Pain is one of the most personal experiences a human body can carry, yet it is repeatedly dragged into public judgment. Instead of being acknowledged, it is often compared and dismissed, as though suffering requires certification before it is allowed to exist. The impulse to compare pain rather than understanding it, exposes the lack of empathy people have.

At the core of this problem lies the habit of disregarding another person’s pain the moment it does not fit a familiar narrative. When discomfort is voiced, what is needed is simple presence and understanding, but it is frequently tackled with comparison. "I have had worse pain. You belong to this gender, so your pain tolerance is low. You are making a scene out of nothing. It is just a small thing. Everyone has pain." When pain is treated as something to be compared, it tells the person experiencing it that their reality is not enough and that their body’s response is incorrect.

Equally troubling is the belief that certain forms of pain are more legitimate than others. Some experiences are turned into symbols of ultimate suffering, while everything outside that frame is treated as secondary or exaggerated. This does not honour those experiences instead it shows lack of compassion. When pain is used this way, it no longer connects people, instead becomes a tool for denial.

Layered into this is the persistent assumption that endurance can be defined by identity. That certain bodies are naturally equipped to bear pain while others are inherently weaker. This belief has no grounding in biology or medicine. Pain perception varies widely across individuals due to nerve sensitivity, psychological state, prior injury, stress levels, and countless internal factors. Any inclination to generalise tolerance based on gender is not understanding, but stereotype dressed up as fact.

What is often missed in these exchanges is that expressing pain is not an attempt to compete. 

It is not about weakness but simply a moment of honesty. When someone speaks about discomfort or pain, they are not asking whose pain is greater. They are asking for recognition. When comparison is used as a response, the focus moves away from understanding and toward hierarchy.

There is cruelty in telling someone that their pain is insignificant because another pain exists. Suffering does not cancel itself out. One experience does not invalidate another. The human body does not consult social narratives before reacting. It responds as it must. Respecting that response does not diminish anyone else’s endurance instead it strengthens the space where empathy can exist without criteria.

If you notice yourself responding to pain with comparison, it is worth stopping. It speaks less about understanding and more about establishing whose pain was worse and whose can be set aside. Choosing not to do that is very much possible. Being kind does not cost you anything.