Why Is Dowry Still Alive

Dowry in India began centuries ago as a gesture of security for women and in its earliest form it was meant to provide them with ornaments, land or cattle as a safeguard in their married life. It was not born out of greed but out of a need to ensure that a woman was not left helpless if something went wrong. Yet over the years what once stood as a symbol of protection slowly changed its meaning until it became a burden.

In the beginning, dowry did give women some form of independence. It gave them a share of their parental wealth and was meant to act as their personal safety net. But that sense of empowerment is long gone. Today dowry has turned into a transaction and its purpose is no longer to protect but to showcase wealth and social standing. That is why you must wonder why a belief that has lost all meaning continues to exist.

So there is this thing of increasing dowry money. It may have started with a few sovereigns of gold but today it has reached a point where cars, houses, cash and endless gifts are part of the ritual. What this has done is create a cycle where those who can afford it raise the bar while those who cannot are forced to stretch themselves just to match. Even when they try to keep things simple they are not free because society now measures worth against what others have displayed.

The reason dowry has not stopped is because the one who could afford to say no have not said it. Their silence keeps the practice alive. And when they give, it is not done privately or to protect their kids. They make a headlines of it. They let the world know what they have offered. They treat it as a matter of pride but when in truth it is nothing but social irresponsibility that pushes others into this void.

It is not always the ones who ask who are at fault. Of course many demand dowry and in some cases even women themselves have done so. But that does not mean the one providing it is free of blame. The giver and the receiver share equal responsibility. Without that recognition there will never be change.

Every time a rich family spends lavishly on dowry, they may believe they are securing their daughter’s future, but in reality they are contributing to a system that has already destroyed countless lives. They may never see it but somewhere another family is falling apart under pressure somewhere another woman is being harassed because her family could not give enough.

Instead of all this the true gift is education. Teach daughters how to face challenges, give them the confidence to leave a broken marriage, support them in standing tall on their own. Women today are educated, they work, they hold positions as high as men do and they do not need dowry to define or secure themselves.

Change must begin somewhere and it can only begin by saying "NO". If you believe you can afford dowry ask yourself what you are actually achieving by offering it. Ask yourself if your generosity is worth the tragedies that follow and whether you want to be a silent part of the same story.

Every time you add to this tradition you are not just giving gifts you are keeping a system alive, that has destroyed families and taken daughters to graves. The question is not whether you can afford it, the question is whether you can live with being part of the reason it still exists.

NRI, what is the cost?

Every now and then a video appears where someone returns from abroad to surprise their family. The scene is always the same. A mother bursts into tears, a father tries to hold back emotion, a wife runs forward in disbelief. These moments are celebrated as joy and shared online as if they capture the essence of love. This is particularly visible in Kerala where migration has become part of everyday life.

Behind these emotional reunions lies a truth that is less comfortable. For such a surprise to move people to tears there must have been years of separation. The videos may capture a few minutes of joy but it cannot show the long absence that created it. The daily silence in homes, the empty seat at family events, the distance between partners, or the fading connection between friends is never part of the video.

Migration is often justified as a pursuit of financial stability. Families accept it as a sacrifice, believing that money will make up for what is lost. But wealth does not accompany parents in their old age. It does not replace the time a couple spends apart. It does not bring back the years missed with children or the companionship of friends. The cost is not just separation but the gradual erosion of relationships that once defined life. Time once lost does not return, no matter how much wealth is gathered.

What is rarely questioned is the pride associated with this choice. Those who leave are celebrated as successful while those who choose to stay are often seen as lacking ambition. The truth may be the opposite because staying requires a different kind of courage. It means choosing presence over prosperity and valuing moments over wealth.

Just one question to all the NRI's out there

Whether this pursuit of wealth abroad is worth the years of absence it demands? 

The Blog That Writes Me

When I began writing I thought of blogs as pages filled with my thoughts. I believed I was the one in control by deciding what to say and how to say it. Yet as I look back at the long trail of blogs, I begin to wonder if it was never just me shaping them. Perhaps the blogs have been shaping me all along.

Each time I wrote I put a part of myself on paper and each time I finished a part of it remained within me. Some blogs made me face truths I had avoided, while others forced me to question what I thought I already knew. Slowly without realizing I began to live with those questions even outside the page.

There were days when I struggled to find a topic, but the act of searching itself opened doors I would not have noticed. A casual observation became a thought then the thought became a paragraph and the paragraphs turned into a blog. By the end of writing I would find myself not the same as when I started. 

And after two hundred blogs, I realize that these are not just records of what I thought at a certain time. They are teachers. They have taught me patience when I struggled to finish, honesty when I was tempted to soften the truth and courage when I feared how my words might be taken. 

If I had not written I would have been someone else. Writing has not simply been a habit. It has shaped my identity, as much as my choices and my journeys do. I thought I was writing to preserve my voice but in truth, the voice I have today was carved by the very act of writing.

So the question is no longer about what I have written. The real question is what writing has written into me.